The most difficult thing in the world to do is to let go of something or someone... I just do not know... what to do? Why do I have to go through this ordeal? Why me? I would never be able to gauge how you would be feel right now, a bit of anger, a bit of betrayal, a bit of loss, a bit of "no hope", I feel the same.. here I think you were always right I will never be able to stay to my commitment/s, I am afraid of losing, I am a complete loser, therefore I hate my everything.

Do not understand why am I being tested? I am so sorry you had to be a part of this... I so hate him... the only way i can hurt him is to hurt my self so badly that he will be sorry for the rest of his life. I have already into smoking, a cigratte a week, now surely the frequency will increase. Need to know how else I will be punishing myself. The to do is kill myself, it is so worthless not having you around. But then of course I have not given you anything that will make you face your parents. Your parents were so right about me from Day I that I will be a complete loser... You should have listened to them... they were also right that i will chicken out...You should have listened then...

If we still have a chance together, I do not think you would be able to think of very highly of me... my parents for sure will not make you feel welcome. I dont think i will be able to survive with the thoughts running in and around. I am surely doing to die

I so lost right now its like that I am on a boat in a lake and suddenly i see nothing around me other than a thick fog. I am unable to see anything, unable to make the right decisions so as to which way should I go... me decisions are balancing on a tight rope that i am walking all alone wiating when will I fall? When will a crack? When will i be able to get out of the fog? At least you were strongher than me. you have the capablity and capacity to pull it off.... look at me I complete loser? A complete born failure...