What is worse than 'change'?
when you are not prepared or you not ready to embrace it....

somebody said that, somewhere... would not take credit for it...

The whole point is how things change... people leaving is my issue...

my best friend, i am not talking to him, cos i am a loser and more than that i am ashamed..

my travel partner left me, would not like to say high and dry, she went to seek greener pastures and of course her travel route has completely changed

my favourite office colleague left me, she too has found a better opportunity in life, she grabbed it; personally i did not want her to leave... and i was one of those people who she use to seek advice. know i regret - should have told her it was a bad choice... but I know she is happy there... and i am very happy for her...

my..... dont know what to add here, cos she did not leave me, i left her. cause i did not have the courage to stand beside her. support her. I gave her no choice but to leave me. I wish and hope everyting with her is happy. and i dont have any ill-feelings for her. Just want her to be happy, that is one thing i would not have been able to give her.

I realised that if you want to refuse just refuse… if you want to be with yourself just say it… you would not have to feel guilty about it… today was a really really long day…

Why do we need to be manipulative? That would surely make me more assertive… for being assertive I will have to aim to be aggressive then only I will be able to reach the point of being assertive. Coming back to being manipulative – methinks any sales, marketing job would manipulative because at the end of the day, we want to convince people to buy our product, experience our service and even more give us constructive feedback.
Please note the constructive – so that if its positive, please pass on the goodwill to others; if it’s a bad experience, please tell us how to improve it.

Is’nt everybody in the world do a same thing… so basically at the individual I need to aim for being manipulative, then aggressive and eventually I might be able to reach somewhere of being assertive. Is it because that I am lazy? Is it because have no interest in a particular topic of discussion? Or is it just me?

The most difficult thing in the world to do is to let go of something or someone... I just do not know... what to do? Why do I have to go through this ordeal? Why me? I would never be able to gauge how you would be feel right now, a bit of anger, a bit of betrayal, a bit of loss, a bit of "no hope", I feel the same.. here I think you were always right I will never be able to stay to my commitment/s, I am afraid of losing, I am a complete loser, therefore I hate my everything.

Do not understand why am I being tested? I am so sorry you had to be a part of this... I so hate him... the only way i can hurt him is to hurt my self so badly that he will be sorry for the rest of his life. I have already into smoking, a cigratte a week, now surely the frequency will increase. Need to know how else I will be punishing myself. The to do is kill myself, it is so worthless not having you around. But then of course I have not given you anything that will make you face your parents. Your parents were so right about me from Day I that I will be a complete loser... You should have listened to them... they were also right that i will chicken out...You should have listened then...

If we still have a chance together, I do not think you would be able to think of very highly of me... my parents for sure will not make you feel welcome. I dont think i will be able to survive with the thoughts running in and around. I am surely doing to die

I so lost right now its like that I am on a boat in a lake and suddenly i see nothing around me other than a thick fog. I am unable to see anything, unable to make the right decisions so as to which way should I go... me decisions are balancing on a tight rope that i am walking all alone wiating when will I fall? When will a crack? When will i be able to get out of the fog? At least you were strongher than me. you have the capablity and capacity to pull it off.... look at me I complete loser? A complete born failure...

I feel like a sparrow, to quench the thirst of my curiosity and adventorous spirit gets into a delapidated temple to find something interesting and anything that can treasured for life... in search for something fruitful, meaningful. With that fruitless search now the sparrow is frazzled and flummoxed and is unable to find her way out...

These old wretched temples have only one way to enter and the same way to exit, by the time darkness sets in there is no way the poor soul, can't make out where is the damn door, it becomes so difficult for the sparrow to get out or is it impossible... Would the tiny creature die with fear?... would it be the easy prey to the hungry bats who dwell in the temple? Would it ever be able to find the right exit at the right time? Who would know?... Who can help?

My worries will never come to an end if there any time that my tiny little brain will ever get rest.. can people stop being rude and the other not keep silent any more. These things are killing me... I still do not undersatand what is the best thing to do.

Just finished with exams of second year of post graduate studies and back to holidays that is work and work and work.... the biggest reason as to why I do not want to STOP studying is to get away from working this is the time when you are free to do concentrate on what one wants to achieve in his/her life...

learning for the day

Neven stop studying academically

You make me cry,

You make me weep,

You are the cause of my plight

How can you expect me to be present for you always everytime, evrywhere? You want me to be by your side, you want me to be omnipresent in your life. Then you have a choice between GOD, the Almighty or your own shadow. Because I know of sure being a very seflish person, I wont be present for you always.

With is the kind behaviour that you project I do not want to be posessed by your obssession. I have my own life that of course is ruled by everyone starting from YOU, my father. Coming to my father, he has given me everything and some where I feel I am going against him for YOU. I feel that I have betrayed him. Then still you accuse me of not supporting you. What I get in return is your sweet rudeness and your empty sarcasms.

Why should I want be with you. You being a very intelligent person, you yourself must have realised that I am running away from you, avoiding you. I will hate myself for typing this, but you surely do get on to my nerves with all the piercing questions. Am I being very sensitive here?

If you have had a bad day, you have nobody else in this city to talk to, you have no where to vent you emotions (leave alone trying to control them), to top it all - I am busy then what do you do? You call me up shout, argue, question and you are hell bent to downgrade me in my own eyes.

If you have already decided something for me, what are you asking me for approval?

If you do not like somethingabout me, or something I have that I cant let go, then why are you present in an negative aura?

On the work front, today was a great day.... till mother calls me up and ruins it... hate the way she talks. Now I clearly understand what my mummy use to tell me "the way u talk to me, i have never even to spoken to servants with that amount of rudeness". I was working to get a responses filled forthe marketing weirdo for Economic Times, cover story in R.A.G.E., interview with industry spokesperson in CRN and a television interview with Channel 7. In between worked on networks, that reminds to get tickets isssued on network client...

Best thing to me is in the late evening at around 2230hrs i get to speak to my chief mentor... I have all praises for him... I know I am too smal to praise, but the last time when we were in a meeting with him, I was like giggling like a teenager who just saw John Abraham and could not stop thinking about it, till he called and asked "Why were you smiling through out the meeting?" Mind you it just a telephonic conference call and he knew it. I was quite surprised when I replied, "Because i get to hear your voice, and please do not flatter yourself, it just that after a very long time I was able to hear you." that's it. I sometimes do not know, if I can categorise my reply as witty or not. If it is, i am unable to comprehend from where do I get this... it must be plainly the company...

Jumping to the other side of my life... carefree... watching movies and reading all the books ever published for pure entertainment

High Time... The thought of putting a Blogging strategy together... should use to the full advantage... Today, more or less was a BACK ANSWER DAY ... back answering to the Mummy was big achievement... and answering, opening mouth for words to flow was even bigger in front of fairy God Mother...

It was a happy day since also India won the series against England with a lead of 3-0. But then sadness sets, coming back to the micro environment, it has been difficult day for me to manage things around me. It is not easy to say NO, but it is even more difficult to put thoughts together to write this... I hating thinking, censoring thoughts, putting it down in Black and White...

Start by saying that I am in the wrong profession, seen so many other people that are really doing good, when the question rises as to what is the future of this preofession or what do you take out from this job... I feel like teenager been asked what do you want to be when you grow up? here my asnwer was like that of a con artist to be everything... so i choose this job where in i have te keep meeting people and new people, keeping on talking to them, convincing them that what I am trying to sell t0 them os beneficial to them... I feel like a complete loser, I feel that i am cheating them of something, I feel i am trying to take away something precious from them for my own personal, selffish benefit.... Would'nt that be called Marketing ina very simple management jargon.

Looking at this world, i want be able to hitch hike and travel across India. Made plans, have done the basic framework to do so just need to let go of things... but then i see myself being caught up in them like a unsuspecting little creature falls into the web of a giant spider...that is life